Dragging him behind me, his feet felt heavy, his movement imbibed with fear. I wanted to snag him over me on the sofa, but as i fell, my grip came undone. He just stood there. Stiff. “What’s wrong?”, i asked with concern. His gaze was pinned to the floor, ignoring completely the fact that i was naked. “I don’t know who i am anymore.”, he replied. “Now of all times you’re having an existential crisis?, i asked visibly annoyed. “Is there ever a good time to have one?”, raising his head and smiling at me. The sadness in his eyes was as clear as the scorching summer day outside. I sighed, getting up and picking my robe from the floor. “I’m sorry.”, he said as he took a seat on the edge of the sofa, clutching his hands together. “I guess fucking is out of the question now.”, i said while getting dressed and taking a seat next to him. He opened his mouth as to reply, but remained silent.
“Tell me the details or anything you want.”, i nudged him. As a reply i got: “I love you.” A few good moments passed. I just stared at him way longer than i should have. I couldn’t believe he just said that. Regaining my composure: “I didn’t expect this. How do you go from existential crisis to “i love you” in a few minutes? I don’t see the connection.” He turned his head towards me: “I can’t forget what i’ve said to you a few days back, either. There’s that persona and then there’s this.”, pointing one of his hands towards himself. He continued: “I don’t want that to happen again. I don’t want to hurt you like that again. I don’t know if i can trust myself.”, he said, grabbing his head. I placed my hand on his back: “Look, if it happens again, it happens. Besides i was no saint either. Let the passed in the past.” I shifted my position in front of him, on my knees: “Please, open your eyes.” He slowly did as i told him, while he released his hands from his head and positioned them on mine. I continued: “If the past doesn’t want to let you go and comes howling after you, remember this.” I stretched upwards to him, grabbing his lips with mine.
He answered my desire for him by trying to desperately pull me closer. Tugging at my robe, capturing my ass with his hands and throwing me on my back between the pillows on the sofa. Burrowing his head in my neck, he began to lick, kiss and suck on the tender skin. I felt the need to impale his back with my fingernails but i remember our last encounter: “Wait, your back!” He stopped for one second, whispering in my ear: “It’s ok. Mark me as yours… deeper, so i may never heal from your love.” These words drove me insane with lust. Between my legs, i became a sea, longing for my fisherman to drown himself in my depths. I unbuckled his jeans and pulled down his underwear as fast as i could. “I’m not ready.”, he uttered, panting. “You are enough!” His hips were mine, as i clutched them between my hands, dragging myself towards his half erect shaft. We moaned together, our flesh merging in the warm thick liquid that rushed out like an everflowing river. Slowly, with every thrust, i could feel him growing inside my pink meadows. Getting harder and harder as he ploughed through to the end of me. I flinched, digging my nails into his forearms. “Please, slower and deeper.”, i begged. He let himself down on his elbows. The closeness became unbearably intimate. Our pants were suffocating, our moans turning into pleas for cessation, our humid bodies clinging to one another like in a fight to the death where none wanted to admit defeat.
But then it happened. Waves upon waves upon waves of electrifying pleasure violently began to shudder throughout my body, thundering my very core. Like a wild animal, i instinctively pushed myself away from him, cowering at the end of the sofa in a fetus position, trembling uncontrollably all over, desperately trying to regain my senses. As he touched my thigh, i screamed: “NO! Please…” Breathing heavily i continued: “…don’t touch me now!” My mouth was as parched as the grains of sand of the Sahara. “Water!”, i beggingly whispered. He went to the fridge and got me a bottle of water. I stood up in a seated position and drank my fill. The trembling began to diminish to the point where it was manageable. “That was… intense.”, he said with clear amazement. “It was unexpected, which made it even better.”, i replied smiling. “Was it your first?”, he asked. “The first of its kind, yes. I had others in the past, but not of this magnitude.” I let myself fall back into the pillows. “You love me this deep, huh?”, he whispered to himself as he was looking into the distance. “What did you just mumble there?”, i curiously asked. “Nothing. I just realized how much you love me.”, he replied with a smile. Throwing a pillow at him, i said: “Shut up! Or i might develop an existential crisis of my own.”
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